I seen something today that I never thought I would.
Keywords that were typed on google in my stats of how people are finding my blog.
Some of those words were very depressing, one that really caught my eye was "I feel sad everywhere"
Well that made me sad.
I really try to push out thoughts that people on the outside sometimes hurt a lot on the inside, because I think everyone should be happy.
I battle with my own issues and I have felt depressed before, believe me someone who has moved 4 times in 4 years and not working for most of that time can put you in a pretty depressing state of mind. So many things can lead up to being depressed and its all things we can or can't control but something that we can always control is out state of mind.
Let me tell you the short form of my story and maybe you might get a hint of why depression step foot into my life for a short while before I gained control.
- A job I was promised got taken away, reappeared and got taken away again I was at that job for two years, it was I thought I wanted and would do forever, and they let me down. we had just moved into a condo that was $1,500 a month and I had no job.
- Moved to the smallest place you can think of, so small my cat who has never once hissed scratched or growled in 14 years became this sad, angry animal who wanted nothing to do with me, anyone or anything. it was so hot inside she got dehydrated and needed medication. I was vomiting ever morning from not eating, or not eating healthy because we just couldn't afford it.I had just gotten fired from my new job because my DM's boss for some reason didn't like me, I only met her twice. My other half had to get a job two hours away so he left at 6 in the morning and got home at 8 or 9 at night. I barely seen him or spoke to him. That was hard.I would cry sometimes just out of nowhere because I had no idea what we were going to do.
- We moved to that place two hours away and it had one street of stores it was so small.Everything closed early and the town has a big drug problem, all the people are on welfare or disability.
- Managed to find a job at a bank, tried to fit in but in a small town like that its almost impossible.
- got a job back home and moved back, the place was the worst and so now I am here again sitting, no with no job, but a hope that one will come soon (knock on wood) with the meetings I just had.
So with that being said, it may not seem as though it was hard but living on pretty much $50 every two weeks is hard work, and puts you in the situation where the voice in your head is saying "NO LIGHT AHEAD" ,"DEAD END" or "YOU WILL NEVER SEE YOUR WAY OUT" and you think , "your right, I don't see how I can do anymore than what I already am or have been doing, I might as well give up, their is no light at the end of this tunnel"
Forever and always a light at the end their will always be.
Don't forget that write it in your phone look at it when you are down, or read this to pick yourself up
You are a strong independent person, surrounded by people who love and support you.
You have worked hard to be where you are so be proud of yourself because I am proud of you.
YES,their is a light and I see it, this is my life, these are my choices, let me shine through.
Today's homework assignment:
Write down 10 things you love most about yourself.
- curly hair
- my green eyes
- drive for success
- my family values
- my love of astrology
- my pudgy toes
- how I treat my cats like my children
- networking skills